You could easily re-read my original post and much of the same applies.
Things are still very emotional. I have so many questions unanswered and so many questions for her that I simply cannot ask.
We are in the final week and I dread Thursday. As foster parents we have been through this before. Often times, things escalate to the point where saying goodbye is not that hard. Then time passes and doubt can settle in if you made the right decision. This will be the complete opposite for me this time. I do not want to say goodbye and the very thought of it brings me instantly to tears. I still have no idea what I am sending her back to. I still don’t have a great grasp on what her day to day life is like. I have a decent idea of what her future looks like and as a father, I do not like it.
Have things been easy the past 5 weeks. No. Our “ease” and “convenience” of life has been compromised. Our calendar has been out of control and we are exhausted. Nancy is shifting into a different stage of life and Jojo is taking the terrible two’s to a whole new level. Add in the fact that we are dealing with a teenager, where emotions are a roller coaster, there is a language barrier and rules both from us and the organization don’t make much sense to her. I have added another girl into Laura’s day to day management and I know that has been added stress to my wife. Laura often gets the bad behavior and challenges from the girls and I come home and get the hugs, kisses and good behavior.
So where does that leave us?
Thursday morning, we will take her to the airport and say goodbye. I do not know if I will ever see her again. I do not know what she thought of our family and her time spent with us. I do not know if she would even want to come back. I do not know in what capacity I will be able to communicate with her.
I will hug and kiss her and tell her I love her. I will cry. I will be hollow inside. I will want to crawl back in my shell and hide my emotions within. I will go back to my life where God has blessed me with my beautiful wife and best friend, Laura, my 2 beautiful daughters whom I love so dearly and my friends and family that are such a source of strength and support.
Here we are 5 weeks later and I already know that my world is a lot different and that this experience, although painful, has been a great one. Please pray for us and please pray for her.