It is easy to love the people far away. It is not always easy to love those close to us. It is easier to give a cup of rice to relieve hunger than to relieve the loneliness and pain of someone unloved in our own home. Bring love into your home for this is where our love for each other must start. -Mother Teresa

Thursday, July 12, 2012

New Mom Syndrome

I have hesitated in posting this but I have been trying to portray an accurate hosting experience....

I am spent. I am exhausted in every sense I can be. 

I am energized or comforted for brief moments but it seems to fade back into gray tired, grouchiness. 

As I describe it that sounds a lot like depression. 

But I know this feeling and it isn't depression.

It is  like the first few weeks after having a baby (or adding a foster child to your family): The time where you are just too tired to really function well. You want to be annoyed at the reason you aren't sleeping but you completely adore the reason. Your brain is fuzzy. People ask you a million questions. You just want a nap. 

There are three daughters in our home each at a completely different stage of development. Each needing lots of extra attention these past two weeks. I am just not able to give each one all that they need. 

The oldest needs to talk - she is wrapped inside a world where nobody understands her - literally. As a teen, we know that she already feels that way but throw in a language barrier  and missing a boyfriend: we have full-fledged teen-angst. On the other hand, she is desperate for physical touch. Hold hands, hugging, cuddling, and even kisses is what she needs. It is fixed by one-on-one time.

The middle child is used to being an only - she fully expects us to listen to her every word, to see everything she does, and praise accordingly. She is in full-preteen mode, needing time with friends and to be presented in the best light in front of them. Her mom is the annoying person holding her back with chores and math assignments. It is fixed by one-on-one time. 

The youngest needs to held and carried. She needs to be rocked which hasn't happened in over a year. She has no idea why we can't read to her for hours or carefully monitor her with markers, paint, and crayons like I used to. Her mom is hers and no one else should be close enough to touch her mom. PERIOD.  It is fixed by (constant) one-on-one time.

I am annoyed when people suggest: just give them everything, don't worry about cooking or cleaning.  
Great idea! Where do I sign up? 

It just isn't possible. We have to eat. (And no, we can't just eat cereal...there is one in this house who grew up without Kellogg's and General Mills who just doesn't understand why you would pour milk on sugar and call it good.) We have to wash dishes and clean up. We have to do laundry. We have to keep on doing school (Nan is only doing math and Di*na is only doing English.)

I am not writing to ask you to solve my issues or send suggestions.
 I am not writing to whine. 

I am writing with the emotions and foggy head of a new mom. The honeymoon period is over and I am desperate for a nap...not just for me but for every single member of my family. 

Do I regret hosting? Are we making a huge mistake? 
Not at all. 

Is it hard? 

Mainly it is hard because I am a selfish person who really wants to do what I want to do. (I want to take a nap and wake up to a clean house, dinner cooked, laundry folded, and happy children.)

My guess is that not one of you is taking a nap and waking up with all those things. (If you are please don't tell me!) 

I am having a case of New Mom Syndrome. 
Would you pray for us?


  1. Great, realistic post! I will definitely pray. Can I kidnap you for a meal/coffee/etc.? Or you can tell Michael I'm kidnapping you and you can just sit in the parking lot where we're "meeting" and sleep...

    1. Love how you describe my life only different! Praying!

  2. Oh yes, the reality of change after the honeymoon phase wears off. Growing always produces growing pains, doesn't it?! Praying for your family today.

  3. I'm just now catching up on friend blogs for the first time in a few weeks. And first of all, I just want to say that I love your blog. I so appreciate your honesty and sense of humor.

    Secondly, I can't imagine what's it like being in your position with 3 girls at 3 different stages of life...but I DO understand the new mom syndrome! I'm praying for all of you. I know God is working in and through you even (and especially) when you don't see it.